Not Invincible
by BoarderKC
Summary: Depressing Tai-centered fic; dedicated to Becci D. When half the Digi-Destined die in a car crash Tai deal with the pain alone.


A/N: This is for Becci 'D' for drawing a KenKari and Tai&Kari pics for me. She wanted a Tai centered fic, I hope this is good. If not, Becci, tell me and I'll change it.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.  
  
  
Not Invincible  
  
  
Tai allowed his foot weigh down on the accelerator and the car jerked forward, faster, involenterily. Sora held tightly to the dashboard as the car swerved and sped down the silent road. Matt laughed and tightened his arm around Sora's waist, pulling her back in his lap. In the back Mimi sat on Joe's lap, kissing him quietly. On the other side of the backseat TK held Kari in his lap, nuzzling her neck softly. Izzy sat squashed in between the two couples as he leaned over the back of the front seat listening in on the conversation Tai, Matt, and Sora were having.  
  
"Tai, how the hell did you get your parents to give you this car?" Matt asked with one arm around his girlfriend and the other hanging on to the door as Tai took a sharp right.  
  
"A year of begging and pleading."  
  
"Tai, you better slow down," Sora warned. "That's a yellow light."  
  
"What do you think guys? Can we make it?" Tai asked playfully.  
  
"Don't Tai!" Sora yelled.  
  
"Go for it!" Matt cut her off.  
  
"Tai no!"  
  
"Do it!" Izzy called.  
  
"Sora, who's going to be down this stretch at midnight?" Tai asked, trying to get her to loosen up. He sped up again. Sora didn't say anything. By the time they reached the light it was red.  
  
"Tai!" He heard Sora scream. He looked up only to be blinded by a pair of bright headlights.   
  
"I can't see!" He yelled.  
  
"They're gonna hit us!"  
  
That was the last thing he heard before tires screeching and glass shattering.  
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"How could you be so stupid? Running a red light! Tai-" Tai looked up from his hands. His father stood over him, lecturing despite the tears in his eyes. His mother had collapsed into one of the chairs over an hour ago, beside Mrs. Takenouchi, Sora's mother. They both cried against each other trying to seek comfort in each other.  
  
Tai moved his gaze over to the other side of the waiting room. Nancy Takaishi sat curled up in her ex-husband, Malcolm Ishida's arms. Despite their divorce they had met, here at the hospital, and collapsed on each other.   
  
And it was all because of him.  
  
"-your sister and your friends. They were hurt, by your stupidity!" His father screamed.  
  
It's been over two hours since the crash. Tai, Joe and Mimi had "walked" away. Izzy, Sora, Matt, TK and Kari were not so lucky.  
  
The Izumi's still had not arrived. Izzy's father was out of town on business and they couldn't reach his mother. No one would be there for him. What a way to wake up. If he did wake up.  
  
"-drinking. Your nineteen!"  
  
"Mr. Yagami?" His father turned away from him and looked towards the doctor that had walked into the waiting room. The apron he wore over his white coat was bloodied, a look that caused fear to swell up inside of Tai.   
  
Kari. They were going to find out about her first. She'd be fine. Kari was unbreakable. She had lived through so much; a stupid car crash couldn't do anything to her.  
  
"Is this about my daughter? What's going on?" Mrs. Yagami was on her feet in a matter of seconds and stood beside her husband. They blocked Tai's view of the doctor, but he made no attempted to see. He knew Kari was fine.   
  
The DigiDestined were invincible.  
  
But as time slowed his mother collapsed into his father's arms and her tears fell faster then before. "No, not my baby!" She cried. "No! God no!" She whipped around and Tai found himself on his feet, her hands gripping the collar of his shirt. She shook him violently. "What is wrong with you? You killed her! You killed her! Your own sister! My baby!" His father pried her hands off of his shirt. He tightened his arms around her, refusing to let her go, despite how she fought.  
  
Tai stood there, watching his parent in their embrace. He was wrong. His sister was dead. Dead, as in gone forever.  
  
So, maybe the DigiDestined weren't invincible.  
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Tai stared at the wall in his room. This was how he spent his days. Sora's funeral was yesterday. The second to follow the car accident. Two down, two to go. He hadn't gone to either funeral. He didn't want to see his sister his sister laid to rest or his best friend. It was too hard.  
  
Outside, just beyond the door to his room his mother shuffled around quietly. She moved around listlessly, cleaning or cooking, finding any task that would preoccupy her time, just so she didn't have to sit still.  
  
Tai pulled the rust-colored stained razor away from his wrist, gritting in pain. He gave a sigh of relief, and if one had not known what he was going it could be mistaken as one of pleasure. The pain goes away after you give it a minute or two.  
  
He wrapped his wrist in one red stained towel and stared down at it, the wall had suddenly lost all interest. Ever since two weeks ago, when his sister and friends died he'd been cutting. When he ran from the hospital he had made a split decision, while standing on the ledge of a bridge looking over at the cold water. Kill himself right away or endure his pain for a little longer. Endure the pain. He owed it to Hikari, Sora, Matt and TK and Izzy.  
  
There was a knock at the door. "What?" He called, a tremor of pain in his voice.  
  
"Tai, someone is here to see you," his mother called.  
  
"Just a sec." He stood up and tossed the razor into his drawer and covered it with some cargo shorts and jeans. He pulled out a black wristband, the one he wore to camp when he became an original DigiDestined and pulled it over his cut and scarred wrist. "Tell 'em they can come in."  
  
The door opened and Joe walked into the room. He walked with a slight limp; his foot had been crushed in the accident. He closed the door behind himself and glanced around Tai's disheveled room. "Hey Tai," Joe greeted, his onyx eyes still not meeting Tai.  
  
"What do you want Joe?" His wrist began to itch under the bands.  
  
"I just came to see you. I didn't see you at the…I didn't see you yesterday, I was wondering where you were."  
  
"I was here, at home, by myself, avoiding everyone else. Is that all you came for?" Tai asked, hurried to get his friend out of the room.  
  
"No. I saw Izzy yesterday, after the…" He paused. He just couldn't say funeral, this was the second time he had stopped. "I saw him yesterday. He wanted to know why you still haven't come to see him."  
  
"I haven't had a chance yet," Tai shrugged.  
  
"Oh, okay," Joe glanced around again. "Mimi got out of the hospital last week. She'll be able to use her arm by next January maybe. That's only four months. She misses seeing you too."  
  
"Yeah, I haven't gotten around to it yet. Tell her I'm sorry." The wristband hurt.  
  
"Why me?" Joe asked. "You're going go to come see her, right?"  
  
"Yeah Joe," Tai snapped, exasperated. "But I can't do it right this minute. Not everyone has let their lives fade away, I'm busy."  
  
"That's not what your dad said to me when I called."  
  
Tai narrowed his eyes. "You talked to my dad?"  
  
"Yeah. I called an hour ago asking if you would be home. He said you never leave. Come on, Tai, you gotta get out."  
  
"I don't gotta do anything!" Tai screamed, in anger and pain. "I think you need to get out!"  
  
"Wha-"  
  
Tai began to push him toward the door. "Get out! Don't come here ever again!"   
  
With one hard push, Joe stumbled out of the room, tripping over his lame foot. The door slammed in his face. Joe looked over at Tai's mom, who looked up briefly from her dusting. Before she looked away Joe momentarily caught the grief-stricken look in her worn brown eyes.  
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Tai lay back in his bed and closed his eyes. One day, he had gotten through one more day. That was an achievement in itself. He pulled the single black wristband off his wrist and tossed it on to the table beside his bed. With a sigh of discomfort and aggravation. His wrist itched, the bed was hot, the blankets were lumpy, and his body ached with desperation for a good night sleep.  
  
He tossed and turned for over an hour. His mind was filled with demons, inner demons, memories of the crash. His mind kept flashing with scream that echoed in his mind, the sounds of tire screeching, glass breaking. Seeing Kari lying on the ground, already dead; TK, Sora, and Matt beside her. Izzy breathing through a tube on a stretcher, blood staining his clothing, legs crushed.  
  
He let out a scream of frustration and anguish. Tears that he didn't even know were there stained his face. He hated life, everything about it. It hurt so much!  
  
Kari, why'd you have to leave me…Sora, why didn't I listen to you…Matt, Izzy, why did you have to cheer me on…Joe, why do you have to be the ever-present reminder of my mistake…  
  
Need sleep…Just sleep. I need my friends. I need it all just to stop.  
  
His chest ached as he hyperventilated. Why did he have to be alone? Why, why, why, why?!  
  
He pushed himself up out of his bed and stumbled in the darkness. His hands reached out and searched for his chest of drawers. His fingers hit it and he pulled the drawer out. He rummaged through it. When he found what he was looking for he pulled it out and stuck it to his wrist and allowed it to sinking into the skin deep. With a sigh of relief and a grimace of pain he sunk to the ground. His arms felt like dead weights, as they lay sprawled on the floor, one wrist dripping with blood. His eyes drooped with exhaustion and a small smile appeared on his lips. Maybe he could finally get some sleep.  
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Tai sprung up, breathing hard and shaking. Sweat covered his body, soaking his clothes and the bed. He sat as motionless as possible, trying desperately to regain his composure. His right hand gripped the blankets of the bed tightly, turning his knuckle white; while his other had no strength in it at all.   
  
"TAI-YOU-ARE-A-WAKE," a mechanic voice announced. Tai's head snapped in the direction of the voice. Sitting beside the bed he was in, was Izzy, in a black wheel chair. His legs were gone and his arms rested limply at his sides. A black tube connected from the base of his throat to a machine that hung from the side of the chair.  
  
"Izzy?" Tai whispered, breathless and afraid.  
  
"YEAH," the machine answered in its monotone voice. A robot had more personality then it. "ITS-ME. I-WAS-WONDERING-WHEN- YOU'D-COME-TO-SEE-ME. I-DIDN'T-EXPECT-IT-LIKE-THIS."  
  
"Your not talking," Tai uttered.  
  
"YEAH. A-PIECE-OF-METAL-HIT-ME-IN-THE-THROAT, A-MONG-OTHER-INJURIES. I'M-NOT-OUT-OF-THE-HOSPITAL-YET. YOUR-MOM-TOLD-ME-YOU-WERE-HERE. SO-I-DEMANDED-TO-SEE-YOU."  
  
"I-uh-"  
  
"THIS-THING-IS-ANNOYING-ISN'T-IT? THE-VOICE-IS-DRIVING-ME-NUTS. ITS-UNCOMFORTABLE-TOO. IT-MAKES-MY-NECK-ITCH."  
  
"I'm sorry-"  
  
"HOW-ARE-YOUR-BATTLE-WOUNDS?" Izzy's eyes flickered over Tai's wrist. "THEY'RE-SELF-INFLICTED-I-SEE."  
  
"How did I get here?" Tai asked, ignoring Izzy's questioning eyes.  
  
"YOUR-MOM-FOUND-YOU-HALF-DEAD-IN-YOUR-ROOM-YESTERDAY-MORNING. SHE-AND-YOUR-DAD-BROUGHT-YOU-HERE."  
  
"They left after that, didn't they?"  
  
Izzy's head twitched. "I-CAN'T-EVEN-NOD. YEAH-THEY-DID. YOUR-MOM-HAD-A-HUGE-BREAK-DOWN. YOUR-DAD-TOOK-HER-HOME-BUT-DIDN'T-COME-BACK."  
  
"Yeah, it figures. I don't care though," he said, brashly. He didn't dare to have his eyes meet Izzy's, for the other boy knew he was lying and Tai didn't want to see the pity in Izzy's black eyes. "I wanna go, when are they going to release me?"  
  
"NOT-UNTIL-A-THERAPIST-OR-PSYCOLOGIST-COMES-TO-TALK-TO-YOU."  
  
"What? Everyone thinks I'm crazy just because I don't want to deal with everything?"  
  
"TAI-YOU-ALMOST-DIED. YOU-DO-REALIZE-THAT-RIGHT? NO-ONE-IS-READY-TO-DEAL-WITH-MORE-DEATH. WE-NEED-YOU."  
  
"No one needs me," Tai mumbled. He lifted his left arm. His wrist was bandaged and he couldn't feel his fingertips. He tried to flex his hand into a fist, but his fingers wouldn't move. He let out a grunt of frustration. "I was just relieving the pain. I wasn't going to kill myself."  
  
"YOU-HIT-THE-VIEN. YOU-WERE-GOING-TO-BLEED-TO-DEATH. IF-YOUR-MOM-FOUND-YOU-ANY-LATER-THEN-SHE-HAD-YOU-WOULDN'T-HAVE-STOOD-A-CHANCE-AT-SURVIVING."  
  
"I don't have a problem with that," Tai mumbled, eyes still away from Izzy.  
  
"CALL-A-NURSE-WILL-YOU?" Izzy ordered.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"BECAUSE- YOU- DON'T- WANT- ME- HERE. I- CAME- HERE- BECAUSE- I- FELT- OBLIGATED- AND-YOU'RE- MY- FRIEND." Tai could tell Izzy was trying to scream at him, but the machine with no personality wouldn't let him. This wheelchair rocked slightly as he threw his fit. "I- HATE-YOU-TAI- I- HATE- YOU. BUT- I- CAME- HERE- BECAUSE- WE'RE- FRIENDS. YOU'VE- ALWAYS- THERE- FOR ME- SO- I- FIGURED- I'D- DO- THE- SAME- FOR- YOU. I- FELT- SO- BAD- WHEN- I HEARD- YOUR- PARENTS- DIDN'T- COME- BACK. I- FLET- EVEN- WORSE- WHEN- JOE- SAID- HE- WAS- TOO- BUSY- TO- COME- SEE- YOU." Who knew Joe was one to twist someone's words around. "I- FEEL- MORE- PITY INSIDE-OF- ME- FOR- YOU- THEN- I- COULD- EVER- HATE- YOU- IN- AN- ENTIRE- LIFE- TIME!" Tears came to his eyes as he continued. "I-HATE-YOU. I-HATE- OU!" He began to cry. "DON'T-DO-THIS. PLEASE-DON'T-DO-THIS. I-NEED-YOU. I-CAN'T-DEAL-WITH-ALL-OF-THIS-WITHOUT-YOU." He lowered his eyes, still unable to move his head. He sniffled and looked up at Tai, his cheeks twitched as tears trickled down them causing them to itch. "IF-YOU-WERE-THE-FRIEND-YOU-CLAIMED-TO-BE-BEFORE-THE-GOD-DAMNED-ACCIDENT-THEN-YOU-WOULDN'T-DO-THIS-EVER-AGAIN. YOU'D-PROMISE-YOU'D-STOP."  
  
Tai didn't look at his friend. He didn't answer him either. "FINE-I-GET-IT. CALL-FOR-THE-NURSE-I'M-LEAVING."   
  
Tai looked down and found the little remote that calls for the nurse hanging off the side of the bed. He pressed the button with nurse written across the blue surface and a few seconds later a nurse appeared in the doorway. "Did you need something, sweety?"  
  
"TAKE-ME-BACK-TO-MY-ROOM," Izzy replied. The nurse walked up to Izzy's chair and Tai watched as she wheeled him out of the room.  
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Tai walked along the quiet almost deserted street of Odiaba. The sky was overcast as wet rain fell from the sky. He was warm inside of his jacket with his hands tucked in the side pocket.  
  
He had gotten out of the hospital an hour ago. Well, he slipped out without anyone noticing. He couldn't deal with the hospital; he hated it to say the least. He hadn't gone back to one since Kari died. He didn't go to see Joe, Mimi, or Izzy. Not until now.  
  
A car drove by and splashed water all over him. With a curse, a glare at the driver, and a shiver he continued walking, soaking wet. He came across a bridge and stopped to stare down at the water below. This is where he came the day Kari died. He had stared down at the water just like now, deliberating to himself whether to jump or not. He still wasn't sure why he hadn't. He kept using the excuse that it was to prolong the pain, but truth was afraid to die.  
  
He stared down at his reflection and leaned over the edge as far as he possibly could. His disheveled reflection stared up back at him. His hair went every which way, even more then it usually did. Dark bags piled under his eyes, and his skin was devoid of most color.  
  
So this is what he had turned himself into. A colorless, friendless murderer. He winced at the word murderer even though it had come from his own brain. The automated voice still rang in hid mind, mixing with the tears Izzy had been crying. Tai had been so wrapped up in himself, in just making the pain go away, he had forgotten all about he pain, or lack of pain his friend was in. Izzy would never be able to use his legs or arms. His body was dead.  
  
The water down below began to blur. Before his tears could fall he held his head in his hands and his body shuddered. "I hate you Tai, I hate you…" he repeated.  
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"WHAT-IS-THE-STATUS-OF-TAI-YAGAMI?" Izzy asked when the nurse came in to check on him.  
  
The nurse got a sad look on her face. "He disappeared. Someone went in to bring him dinner and he wasn't in his room." Izzy sighed. "I'm sorry. I know he's your friend. I'm sure he'll be back."  
  
With that she walked out of the room. 'Damn you Tai! I fell apart in front of you, why are you so cold?' He closed his eyes and sighed again.  
  
There was a noise that sounded like a door opening. He opened his eyes and saw Tai, dripping wet in the doorway. "TAI? TAI-WHERE-HAVE-YOU-BEEN?"  
  
"Izzy." It was obvious he had been crying. "I need help," he whispered with a shudder. He stumbled over to the bed Izzy lay in and collapsed into the chair. His left wrist was wrapped in his jacket. "I can't do this by myself."  
  
Izzy watched as his friend tremble and clutch his arm to his chest. He mind began to race with panic. "HELP! NURSE!" No one came; the damn machine wasn't loud enough. "Tai-Tai. LISTEN-TO-ME. ARE-YOU-LISTENING?" Tai lifted his head. "DON'T-GIVE-UP."  
  
"Kari…she's calling to me…She wants me with her." His eyes drooped.  
  
"TAI-DON'T-DO-THIS. COME-ON-STAY-AWAKE." Izzy ached to reach out to shake his friend. "DAMN-IT. NURSE-NURSE. SOMEONE-GET-IN-HERE. TAI. TAI. COME-ON. DON'T-DIE-PLEASE. I-NEED-YOU-HERE-TO-HELP-ME-GET-THROUGH-THIS."  
  
Izzy watched his friend sit in the chair beside his bed. His brain tried to call for some movement or strength in his legs of arms, just so he could move to Tai side, who as acting just as paralyzed as him. "TAI-COME-ON. DON'T-GO-UNCONSCIOUS-YET."  
  
He looked up. "Huh?"  
  
"CALL-THE-NURSE. JUST-HIT-THE-BUTTON. JUST-DO-THAT-FOR-ME-TAI." He moves slowly and reached out with the arm not wrapped in the jacket. He touched the button before falling onto the tile floor.  
  
The nurse walked in, a large smile on her face. "What did you need sweety? Wait, how did you-" She froze upon seeing Tai sprawled on the floor.  
  
"HELP-HIM. PLEASE."  
  
She ran out of the room and returned with a stretcher and a doctor. The pulled Tai up onto the stretcher and pushed him out, leaving Izzy alone and afraid.   
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Izzy closed his eyes and sniffled as his lip quiver and tears rolled down his eyes. His tears were hard to hide now that he couldn't move his legs or arms. Some strength was returning to them, he could move his head now. With a sigh he looked away. He hated funeral. It really wasn't fair that they had to die. Around him others cried loudly.  
  
Someone set a hand on his shoulder. Izzy glanced up and saw Tai standing there staring at the two coffins. "TAI-YOU-CAME." He said after lowering the volume of his machine.   
  
"Yeah, wouldn't miss it." There was sadness in his tone. His left arm lay in a sling; Tai still could no make his hand into a fist. Doctors say he's never have very much strength in it for the rest of his life.  
  
The priest stopped talking and people walked up to the coffin. Tai got in line, pushing Izzy's chair. They got to the coffins and stopped. Tai set his hand on the first. "Bye Matt." He set his hand on the other. "Bye TK, I'm sorry." He turned back to Izzy and picked up his arm, helping the paralyzed boy touch each coffin.  
  
"THANKS." With that Tai set Izzy's arm back on the armrest and began to push the chair away from the caskets, allowing the line to move. They cried silently to themselves, Tai whispering small 'I'm sorrys' and Izzy whispering 'goodbye'.  
  
  
Oh my…I liked that fic. It matched my mood. Well, what did you all think? This is a dedication to Becci 'D'. I hoped you liked it. 


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